Rape and me

power

I’ve been working out at the gym lately, first as a last-ditch attempt at holding onto whatever youth remains in me, and second, for my body to be able to do things I wish it to do for as long as possible; over the last few years I’ve noticed a decline in my choices as my body weakens and loses some of it’s ability as a tool, which is an attribute I’ve valued most of my life.

Perhaps not surprisingly, I had to do the masculine preening of flexed muscles in front of a mirror. Although it will take much longer to get rid of the flab, my strength has blossomed under my regimen, to the point where I’m now up to 2/3 of the maximum settings that the exercise machines will allow.  That I’m perpetually sore doesn’t matter because I can again do things I thought were past me.

But catching myself in the mirror I couldn’t help think about the whole masculine/strength/desirability trifecta that I had been raised with, and that still dominates our culture. I know it’s not just me. I know that Tracy likes my masculine attributes, and that all my past lovers have has well. While human attraction is complex and varied, we know through many studies what the majority of women are attracted to, and there is a long evolutionary history behind this. Desire is not random.

Continue reading

Share Button

A parade of feelings

AmIWearingPants_600Totally unrelated humour, because.

 

I’m, surprised at the impact mom’s health crisis is having on me, but perhaps I shouldn’t be. She looks so awful, so close to death, but she isn’t really dying, not yet. But so much is rearranging itself inside my head, it’s as if I’m grieving what hasn’t happened yet.

Emotionally, I’ve been all over the map. I know I was pretty close to caregiver burnout before mom’s stroke even happened, and that was followed by a couple of weeks of daily 2-hour hospital visits. Mom was kind of perking up, although she couldn’t walk or toilet herself, and she started this aggravating behaviour where she would text or call me several times a day asking if and when I was coming to see her.

Continue reading

Share Button

When lies become truth

 

honesty-truthful-man-liar-acknowledges-honesty-demotivational-poster-1288472535

 

I suspect the reality is that as a species, we can’t handle reality. We know that all of us practice self-deception on a regular basis just to survive, and in that example it can be seen as adaptive and appropriate.  But a new kind of deception is becoming mainstream, a kind practiced by some right-wing politicians specifically meant to manipulate and deceive masses of people.

Continue reading

Share Button