After reading this article I was stunned to yet again hear of another person who otherwise seems like a caring concerned individual turn to hate when confronted by a monster.

The fact is there are monsters everywhere. We all probably know a few: individuals that leave nothing but suffering of one kind or another in their wake. Sometimes the scale is colossal, as in George W. Bush; sometimes it’s just your latest boss.

These people are easy to hate because of the swath of destruction they leave. But if you hate them not only do they win –you become one of them, albeit with a different politic – but you also further their agenda.

People have the common and mistaken belief that hating monsters is okay because it’s an act of resistance to their atrocities. They think that by opposing the malignant ideas they can defeat them. But they are missing the whole point.

Monsters can have truly frightening and ugly ideas and beliefs. They are all over the ideological and political map, but their speech and behaviours always reveal a complete lack of compassion, a dehumanizing of the Other, and a willingness to use oppression, violence, and inhuman means to support their beliefs. Behind all this is hate.

The ontology of hate is fear, which is a very complex beast to deal with, but which almost always manifests as hate. A good metaphor is that of infection. In a manner recalling the action of a virus, hate can attach itself to almost any belief system, and it’s only purpose is to replicate. Read that again. Hate exists to create more hate, full stop.

In the above article, you have people hating over conflicting ideas and beliefs. But what they don’t understand is that the hatred really has nothing to do with the topic at hand. Hate has just used an incendiary politic to spread itself, because it’s particularly effective. It’s like Cholera spreading among weakened people fleeing a natural disaster. Politics is a fertile ground for infections of hate to spread.

But hate doesn’t need anything so dramatic. Hate can emerge because you drive a nice car. Or because of your gender or sexual orientation. Or any one of a trillion reasons, none of which by themselves are important. Hate could care less what carrier it uses as long as it is effective.

So as long as words you read, speeches you hear, or actions you see cause hatred of the perpetrator to emerge inside, you have now become part of the problem. There’s no doubt that the world is full of appalling things but you cannot focus on the carrier – the hateful actions – because they are only the symptom of the “infection”.

There’s a saying among Christians about hating the sin and loving the sinner. That’s very good advice regarding hate: love those who hate and despise the hate that has infected them. As far as I can see that’s the only way to stop it from spreading. It makes no difference whether monsters deserve our compassion; as long as they are carriers, it’s up to us to minimise their damage they inflict and the first step is not become carriers ourselves. Or the result is what we currently have in the world: ideologies and beliefs that come and go, but the hatred carries on.

By the way: we are looking for passengers for our new venture: I'm sailing around Vancouver Island next month and if anyone would like to book a section of this amazing trip, give us a shout at 250 858 4978. There are pics in this blog from September 2009 showing our trip last year. Trust me, you don't want to miss it.

I didn't see this coming; really I didn't. I'm still a little in shock, in fact. Part of me is rebelling like hell, but I'm mature enough to simply acknowledge the feelings and carry on.

Fainleog is for sale.

It happened after the break-in. Talk about unintended consequences. That was so disturbing to Tracy that it tipped the scales for her. I’ve always known that our life aboard was somewhat of a challenge at times, especially for her, but this was unexpected.

I have always checked in with her now and again about how our life aboard is for her. Partly because I love her and am concerned about how she is doing, and partly because I don’t want to be blindsided.

I knew there would be a time when we would have to move off our boat, but it was only a few months ago when I last checked with her and everything was fine. Normally summer is the best time for living aboard but the costs associated with replacing our recent losses, as well as the violation of our space, has changed things in a way neither of us expected. Tracy can’t explain it, it simply is.

In some ways this presents a quandary and in other ways there is none. Some men would simply tell her that this is where he lives and if she wants him she has to adapt. I’m not that man. Because I love Tracy I put her first. But it hurts.

Thing is, it’s far more than simply a boat; it’s my home, and for me, the very best home I’ve ever had. We’ve lived aboard for over 3 years now and for the first time in my adult life I don’t want to be somewhere else. That’s pretty significant.

I’ve never had a home that lasted more than four years before I moved on, in part because I was living like everyone else and it didn’t fit for me. This lifestyle is ideal for me and I’ve never been happier.

That in itself is a good thing but I have to admit that moving off has it’s own advantages. Maybe I’m a little young yet to “settle down” if that’s what we were doing. By moving out I’m forced to continue wandering.

At this stage I have no idea what we will do and where we will go. I will purchase another sailboat of course, but one smaller. If we aren’t living aboard I sure don’t need 36 feet to fulfil my sailing dreams.

So here’s the details:

Link 2000 battery monitor

New Centaur 50 Amp 3 stage smart charger

4 6Volt 240Ah Workaholic deep cycle batteries

5 solar panels

2 solar panel regulators

Outboard motor hoist

New Hot water tank

New Norcold fridge/freezer

Full canvas enclosure.

New Standard Horizon CP180 chartplotter

New Humminbird depthsounder/fishfinder

PSS shaft seal

New diesel injectors

New electric fuel pump for engine

New zincs engine and prop

Maxprop folding prop

New Vetus tapset for head

Dickenson propane heat

Propane system rebuilt 2008, 2009

New mainsail halyard and reefing lines

Removable baby stay and twin running backstays

Mainsail serviced 2008

New glow plugs

Newer alternator 2007

Lifelines replaced 2007

New tachometer

Starter replaced 2009

Raw water pump rebuilt 2009

Hydraulic backstay (rebuilt 2009)

New gauges 2007

New macerator pump, holding tank, and level indicator 2007

All through-hull ball valves replaced 2007

Switchable Racor secondary fuel filters

Simrad radar

Interphase GPS

CO and propane sniffers

Uniden VHF 2007

Lewmar windlass 2007

Sony stereo and 4 speakers

All portlight gaskets replaced

B&G Network Pilot below deck autohelm

Hull scraped and sealed with layers of epoxy (no pox)

Rudder rebuilt.

Transmission and V-drive recently rebuilt.

Starter replaced 2009

New engine mounts 2007

New prop shaft 2007

New waterlift muffler 2007

Offshore main, staysail, working jib, 150 genoa, asymmetrical spinnaker with snuffer

300’ chain rode and 40lb CQR

100’ spare rode and Danforth anchor

Harken roller furling

New mast light

10 & 20 lb propane tanks

Insulated backstay

Hot/cold pressure water

Tons of spare parts.

Well maintained 1980 CS 36 Traditional in excellent condition. Designed by renowned marine architect Ray Wall, Fainleog is a sturdy and heavily constructed offshore veteran. Our vessel is unique in that the chief purchaser for CS yachts had her built to his own specs, which included replacing plastic portlights with aluminum ones and installing a babystay and running backstays

Large tanks: 75 gals water  and 35 gals fuel. The interior is rich with teak and shows quality of workmanship. Galley with fridge/freezer and Force Ten propane stove. A full chart table. Lee cloths are installed for the midship berths, and extra stowage has been built for offshore sailing. Shoal draft fin keel and partial skeg hung rudder. Tons of lockers and storage.

The engine has been well maintained and is in excellent condition (I have pictures of the cylinder walls that shows no detectable wear).

Those who follow this blog know I have put a great deal of time and money in maintaining and upgrading this vessel and it is with much reluctance that we are offering her for sale. One of the advantages of living aboard is that I know the moment something goes wrong, and I usually have it fixed within the day.

$79,000.00 or trade for a smaller vessel plus cash. We can be contacted at 250 858 4978.

I just spent 8 hours in the bilges of my boat installing a new hot water tank. I’m exhausted, scratched, bruised and cut up. It was so difficult reaching anything, it really felt like a maddening, futile effort. It’s still not done as I have yet to reinstall the steering cables. It was also the hottest day of 2010, which broke a record going back 70 years.

That’s one day I’ll never have again.

It’s got me thinking about what I do, and why. I mentioned in an earlier post about being handy and how “handy” that is, but now I’m not so sure. This is the first time I think I’ve ever critically examined this propensity of mine. Oh sure, I’ve known for a long time that it was at least in part due to my blue-collar heritage, but it’s more than that.

Of course it’s part of being human to use tools to make things and repair things. I’ve been doing that ever since I was a little kid. It used to make my parents so mad when they would find out that I took the toaster apart or the TV or some such device. Of course I was fascinated to see all the bits inside, but I had no idea how to put things back together once it was apart.

They also supplied me with a succession of Meccano sets, so I was really set up to be a man with tools in my hands. My first career was as an electronic technician.

I went ahead and got a forestry degree and BFA in fine arts, but somehow couldn’t shake the need for a tool in my hand.

There’s a real power in being able to repair almost anything, but what I’m starting to wonder is if these things should really be repaired. If these things should really exist. I have to admit it was nice to drag my battered carcass into the shower at the end of the day, but I’m not so sure it worth all the all the complexity. I did have the option of the solar shower in fact.

I’ve kept countless cars on the road and several motorcycles and scooters. I’ve done a ton of home renovations. Maybe these aren’t such good things. Our lives are so incredibly complicated and much of the complication is about owning stuff and making money for stuff.  If not for that hot water tank, I would have this day back.

Not all things that need repair are superfluous, but it seems to me a lot that I’ve repaired aboard this vessel are. The whole thing about spiritual evolution is simplifying one’s life and spending more time in inner communion. Labour can involve this as well, but there is peaceful labour and there is traumatic, and today felt like it was in the latter category.

Thing is, at this point in my life I’m not sure I can change. I’m not sure yet that I want to. I’ve taken great pride in my ability to fix anything, but maybe all along I was being a fool, and life was getting the last laugh. I’m wondering if the need for repairing so many things is evidence of too much complexity, too much stuff.

Maybe working with machines is not such a grand thing. Maybe it’s time I put down the tools and worked more with imagination in my writings, and with more human souls. Sure I’m most comfortable with the workings of devices but perhaps that’s a weakness that I need to confront rather than continue indulging.

The break-in we suffered a few weeks ago just keeps on stinging. I went to download some pics for this post from my camera only to discover that the douchebag stole the adapter cable. We have several such cables for various pieces of equipment and he took them all. So the equipment is useless until we buy new cables. Tracy already had to buy a new AC adapter for her cell. Why the hell would someone rip off a bundle of adapters and cables when he doesn't have the equipment they are for? It just causes pain and inconvenience and they have no value. The worst part of this is that this guy wasn't the only thief. The cost to replace these things is ridiculous. The manufacturers resist any attempts at universalising them so you have to purchase specific OEM cables at outrageously inflated prices. Bah!

I read an interesting blog post over at Change Therapy. I'm not a Buddhist (nor a follower of any other religion) so I have very little knowledge about it, but perusing her posts and links I'm struck by the nature of them - they way they outline what is "right" and how to know when something is right or wrong. I thought Buddhism was different in that regard
I suppose that's one of the roles of religion: to give simple answers to complex issues so that everyday folks who don't have the privilege of free time to ponder can get an idea of how to live.

I sup[pose there's utility in that, and yet I wonder how the original people would look at what has developed in their name. I suspect that Buddha, Jesus and Mohamed would be surprised to see the prescriptions that have arisen over the millennia. From what little I know of these folks they taught more by example than by sharing a host of rules. Their paths were uniquely spiritual and from my own experience, that has little to do with mediating conflicts in the greater world. We can derive universal stuff about compassion, non-violence, love, caring and non-judgment towards others as a way of being, but I don't get rules. I don't get deciding what is bad and what is good. I don't get opposing bad.

The road to hell is paved with the intentions of those who think they know what is "good" and what everyone should do to create an ideal world. History has shown that the very worst in human atrocities are committed in the name of fixing a perceived wrong in the world. The details change according to race, class, ethnicity and so forth but the impulse is always the same.

That's not to say that some things cannot be "bad", or that some things cannot be "good", but so off these are cultural and contingent ideas rather than some meta truth. If there is a God up there, I simply cannot see it deciding if cluster bombing insurgents is preferable to them flying airplanes into towers.

It might be fairly easy to devise a system of behaviors that has social utility - that makes living together in society as easy as possible - but that is hardly the epitome of the spiritual life. Personally, I believe that you cannot make rules about right and wrong. When on a spiritual path, you will know when you transgress, and that transgression won't be against others, or laws, or social conventions, but your own heart. The difference between that approach and an external moral code is that 99% of the time it will be you who is at fault.

For example, I recently had a blow up with a person who once borrowed $1200.00 from me, and who then essentially vanished. I had thought she was a friend and I was deeply hurt by this. Upon reading on facebook that she was going on a nice vacation I gave her hell as I was very short of cash. Of course no good came out of that. While I did get my money back she was very upset and angry, and I felt ashamed. in the name of money I emotionally assaulted another human being and betrayed my own conscience. From a purely secular perspective I was totally in my right; from a spiritual one I totally failed and I had to ask her for forgiveness.
I needed no rule book to know that I failed, that I created evil in the world. I knew as soon as I read her response to my attack that I had transgressed and had to make amends.
I see this day in an day out, and I am constantly falling short and must make amends and redouble my effort to improve the person I am. Rules don't do that, rules don't put the onus on you to be a better person. They say to be the change you want to be in the world. From where I'm sitting that means stop worrying about what others are doing and be aware of how you are in the world.

Normally when we think of piracy we think of the 18th century, or perhaps off the horn of Africa today. Certain areas in the Indian Ocean perhaps. What you don't think of is the southern Gulf Islands. But it happens here, and it happened to us.

At it's broadest definition, piracy is simply robbery or criminal violence while at sea. On our recent holiday we were anchored for a few hours off Chemainus when someone boarded or vessel (made a hell of a mess of our hull in the process; they had a fairly small aluminum boat that banged mercilessly against us), smashed the lock, and ransacked our boat.

To say we were shocked when we returned is an understatement. the companionway hatch open, the main cabin a mess.
For all their efforts they didn't get a lot as we had taken most of our portable, expensive stuff with us. They did get some irreplaceable jewelery, VHF radios, passports and other ID.

I doubt the total haul was worth more than a couple hundred bucks. But what it did to our peace of mind was enormous. Having one's home violated like that is always traumatic, but it's worse when it's a boat. Trust me, it is. A lot of tears have flowed since then and the violation was so profound that Tracy is pushing hard to move off the boat.
She of course recognises that the same could easily happen on shore, but a boat is a vulnerable home as it is, and this has made it even more so. I wish I could soothe her more.

As for myself I too am disconsolate. I twas surprised at the strength of my feelings about this and talked about it with a friend. He wisely pointed out that for all the things a sailboat is, it is also a sacred object. We feel different about a sailboat, even people who aren't sailors. And for those who do sail, a sailboat is so much more than a vessel or a means of transportation, it is a place of solace and contemplation, of fear and courage. It is a place where we test our bodies and our souls, and at times a sanctuary we retreat to, trusting that it will take care of us when it gets really rough. Sometimes it's what we use to commune with our God. For an ignorant and profane soul to sneak aboard her, wrecking and stealing with utter disregard for where he is -that's a violation that cuts deep.

One of the first things I did was scrub her hull to remove the filth that foul person left behind.


I made a few strong pronouncements in my last post and I still stand by them. While I acknowledge that random and at times awful events do happen, challenges are important to foster growth, and this was a big challenge. We have looked long and hard at what we have and what we are doing. I cannot help but be aware that thieves break in a steal when you have something to steal, and although we lead comparatively simple lives, from the outside we looked wealthy enough to target.
The less you have the less you can lose, but it's also true that the poor most often prey on the poor, so having little (as we have discovered) is no immunity to depredation.

It's been a challenging summer to be sure. First our dinghy and motor, and now a break-in. The hot water tank blew out and now my laptop is going as well. and work has been slow.

ALl this has us looking hard at where we are and where we are going. Almost certainly we are going to sell Fainleog. In some ways, although I adore this vessel - she is such a strong, agile and seaworthy boat - she is too much a burden. We cannot afford to pay for her AND pay for a place on shore, certainly not in expensive Victoria. While living aboard has been great, a dream come true for me, Fainleog isn't the most ideal home, at least from a size and convenience perspective. And living aboard means that I am tied to Tracy's schedule. I cannot take off on a whim because our boat is also Tracy's home. Moving on land and getting another smaller vessel means both Tracy and I can have more of what we each want. I can go away when we need an want to, and Tracy has the comforts of a stable home.

Examined in the cold light of reason, a lot of the expense of a "yacht" is all the systems aboard that are designed for comfort. The differnece between a bare bones sailboat and a fancy yacht is striking, as well the purchase price and maintenance costs. I've often preached the need for simplicity on this blog and while living aboard a 36' sailboat was a massive step down from where we were, we have further to go.

Tracy rowing our new dink out to Fainleog.




This little girl visited us while at the Treehouse cafe at Ganges on Saltspring Island.




Fainleog at anchor in the fog at Princess Cove, Portland Island




Sailing upwind on a lovely day.


 

I went to haul up the anchor in Maple Bay when the gypsy jammed. I thought it might be the chain but no such luck; something was run with my 3-year-old Lewmar windlass. What a piece of junk; I'll never buy one again. Anyway, after partially dismantling it I discovered that one of the mounting screws that holds the thingy that is used to pluck a rope rode off the gypsy snapped off and was jamming.

Here's the piece after I removed it (remaining screw taped in place for future reference). I have a chain rode so fortunately don't need this part.



This only took a few minutes because I can fix anything, but what about the sailor who isn't so handy? given the outrageously inflated prices of marine goods you shouldn't have to be able to fix everything on the fly. I would guess that of all the new parts I've put into this boat since buying it, about 1/4-1/3 have failed since then. And I'm not talking cheap, simple components either.
Because the windlass was jammed, it would mean hauling up hundreds of pounds of chain by hand. And if that wasn't possible, paying for a tech to come aboard.
If I had to pay a tech for all the issues I've dealt with, there is absolutely no way I could sail or own this boat. 

I feel much better since my last blog post; Tracy and I have been out sailing since Monday and there's nothing like time on the water to make things seem to come together.
I realise that challenges have a very important purpose-without challenges we would become complacent and lazy. Challenges force us to take action, to grow and to reach beyond ourselves. Peace and contentment are fine, but they come as a result of meeting challenges, by growing and gaining experience and wisdom. WIthout challenges we would remain spiritual immature. I haven't figgered out where my path is taking me, though I suspect the path itself is the purpose, providing the challenges that make me more than I am.

One thing I have come to understand is that it is the living aboard with my wife that makes "sailing" so expensive. Apart form my genoa, almost all of the pricey repairs I've needed to do on my boat is to ancillary systems, components that are part of making a boat as homelike as possible. Refrigeration, power, heating, and hot water systems aboard are not cheap, but they are not required simply for sailing.
Personally I could do without them, but not my mate. And I know my next vessel is going to be much less complex, so my effort and money goes into sailing systems not so I can have a hot shower aboard.
Tracy has officially given notice that she wants off and that leads me to a quandary. For her the issue is about space and so that means moving ashore or a stinkpot. I cannot see us trying to acquire a larger sailboat, especially as the comfort needs I've mentioned above would still be there, along with the increased costs of a larger boat. If anything I want a smaller, simpler vessel, something a snap to singlehand alone.

I have a feeling it will be move ashore and sell Fainleog, and purchase a much smaller, seawworthy boat, perhaps something in the 27 foot range. Still not cheap but far less expensive than what we have now. And No hot water, pressure water, Inverters, solar panels, battery banks and so forth. We didn't have any of that stuff on our T-bird and still had a great time with her.

A lovely still morning. Several sailboats already departing the harbour. Some cloud, some fog.

I’ve been grappling with some significant issues of late, especially in regards to my path. I feel I’ve slipped off of it, and landed with a hard thump. I’m trying to just accept it as simply another part of my learning but it’s challenging. I know this stuff so why do I keep going astray? It would be easy to blame an obsessed and obsessing culture but people have had to deal with that for ever.

All the shiny toys and things are compelling but also a real source of misery, like when we had our dinghy and outboard stolen. And then there’s the money issue; no matter how much I bring in it just gets swallowed up, and I know there is no end to that.

I love my vessel and our home, but it’s such a burden. So much money seems to soak into it, and most of my money comes at a real cost to me. Funny how after almost 40 years of searching and a great many careers that I really haven’t found much work that I would do regardless if I got paid or not, and to me that’s the only work that’s valid.

It would be easy for me to judge myself for that, see it as a weakness, if not for the fact that wage labour is something that’s been around for perhaps 200 years, if that.

It's not like I'm lazy at all; I'm always working on something, it's just that most of what I really enjoy doing doesn't pay that well, or more accurately, once it becomes work for someone else's money the joy goes out of it. Maybe it's me, maybe it's the money; I don't know.

Nobody said that sensitivity and awareness would make life easy; on the contrary it can make life much more difficult. Being unaware allows one to fit into a social mold much more easily.

This has been a very expensive summer. Loss of a dinghy and motor. We need a new genoa. Our insurance came due and it was increased 50% to cover the cost of taking out clients. General repairs and maintenance. We will need a haulout and bottom paint. And our hot water tank just blew. This last one we just discovered-the water pressure pump was sounding strange and the bilge pump was running. Almost immediately I suspected the tank but hoped it was just a broken water line. No such luck.

And as fate would have it, the tank that sits in there now is a round Raritan model, which sells for over a grand. I can get another tank for $250.00, but it’s square. How I’m going to make that work, I have no idea!

I know I have to change things. Simplicity is the key for a joyful life and there is nothing simple about a sailboat. I love sailing so much but I suspect the cost exceeds the benefit. In fact I tell myself this often, but a part of me refuses to listen. Maybe I’m not ready yet to let it go, although it would feel like a relief. Maybe I would then be confronted with more freedom and the anxiety that would produce; what would I do without so much time wrapped up into my boat and making money for the boat?

We’ve replaced the dink with a Sabot sailing dinghy. I’m not sure how well it will work as it’s a very light craft, but we’ll see how it goes. It’s brand-new, never been in the water and is the most outrageous colour. It had never been rigged so I had to install a boom, outhauls, downhauls, mainsheet etc. Because it’s a hard shell dinghy I wrapped the edges with pool noodles! I’m looking forward to trying it out.

AS remote as the chance is of ever seeing my dinghy and motor again, I'm going to post the info here in the off-chance that someone sees it or hears of it. The insurance company's underwriters - HUB International will refuse to renew my insurance if we make a claim.

The dinghy is a 10' blue and grey zodiac with a plywood floor and an 8hp black and grey Mercury Mariner outboard. It has a plastic tank and two oars.The outboard has a harness for lifting onto the boat, but if this is removed the top of the engine is badly scratched from the hoisting ring. The towing line has two attached stainless caribeeners. The upper surface of the dinghy looks pretty ratty from UV (ironically I avoided keeping it shipshape so it wouldn't look so appealing to thieves) It was stolen a few weeks ago at the Brentwood Bay public dock. I suspect a local as there were several local's dinghies tied up and they weren't touched. If you see someone trying to offload something like this let me or the Saanich police know.

@MinorEpiphanies on twitter commented on how "we all judge" and while I agree that is true, I also think it isn't inevitable, that we can learn to suspend judgment. The question is why should we? Don't we have to make judgments all the time, just to get by?

I think it's crucial to differentiate between judgments and choices. Choices will often involve making judgments, but this kind of judgment really means conclusions based on whatever data or information we have. Judgment in the greater context, and what I'm talking about, involves other persons and means making moral, ethical, and other conclusions about those persons.
For example, "he is an ex-con" is not a judgment if it is factual, but "he looks like an ex-con" is, because it presupposes many things, like what an ex-con looks like, how that person resembles that "type", and at a deeper level lots of unspoken assertions about the person's character.
Judgments of this type always assumes deeper significance for external, trivial characteristics, and assumes certain meanings for those characteristics, almost always negative.

Anyway, the notion of suspending judgment. This is very difficult to do, not only because everyone around you does it, the whole world does it, but that we are saturated with information that just begs analysis and ultimately, judgments. When I read of homes for the mentally disabled being closed down, it is very difficult for me to not judge what that means. It is not hard to imagine what the empirical consequences of that will be, but it is impossible to get a handle on all the reasons, all the forces - cultural, historical, individual, idealogical behind certain people in power making such a choice. It's very easy to simply dismiss them individually as cruel and heartless assholes.

But what about appalling things, like torture or rape or child sexual abuse? It is very easy to see these people who do these things as monsters and judge them very harshly. I'm less clear what to do with these extreme examples. The typical Christian response would be to hate the behaviour but not the perpetrator, but that still entails judgment of behaviour. I'm not sure where to go with this. Perhaps its about setting a very few meta -judgments; do as little harm as possible, refrain from judging, be compassionate. These all require jugement and certainly are values, but very little judgment is required, and crucially, are about ME rather than the other.

Strange, this absence from my blog. I just didn't want to, which is unusual as I'm a writer. In part it's because I've been thinking a lot about voice and who uses it and why. I've had a number of discussions with a friend of mine about knowledge and action and how so many of us - all of us - take positions and articulate them and even act upon them as if we know what we are talking about. Take democracy for an example: there are likely hundreds of PhD thesis written about this form of governance, and yet you cannot know all there is to know about the subject; even so called experts will be expert at a tiny aspect of the great debate. And what about all other forms? 

And yet without holding all the knowledge that is available (which cannot be all the knowledge that potentially could exists, as it doesn't take into account the questions yet to be asked or researched), how can we make declarations about democracy that aren't 99% faith, and arbitrary if not totally random beliefs? Most of what I think about democracy will come from newspapers, my culture and my society. It will depend on my gender, my history, my education, and my parents. Non of this actually speaks to the question of democracy itself.

Why is this important? because if by necessity I cannot possibly really know democracy, how can I comment intelligently upon it? And if I can't, shouldn't I just shut up? Does the world need yet one more mouth adding to the cacophony? And his applies to everything except one's inner world. A prof once told me that if all the published scientific journals were stacked on top of each other they would reach the moon 2.5 times. Nobody has a handle on that.
Despite all this uncertainty, everyone "knows", and the world is populated by elites and experts -many employed by BP, by the way. Related to this is economics. I read about a study done by this journalist that looked at the predictions of economists over the last few decades. What he found was these legions of experts were wrong more OFTEN than by chance; i.e. you would be correct more often simply flipping a coin than by listening to economists. Why? because unlike random chance, economists are human and therefore biased. This bias makes them wrong more often. How many PhD thesis are written on economics?

So that brings us back to voice. We have one and we are compelled by society and instinct to use it. With the advent of social media, this has reached whole new levels. Is this a good? depends on how you define good, but what I'm saying here is there is no way of knowing. Certainly it changes things, but we don't know from what to what.

Does it matter? I look at my assumptions around this and I find at least one bias straight away - the idea of authority. Speech as valuable when there is authority behind it, the authority conveyed by knowledge and information. Very Enlightenment that. The notion that knowledgeable speech is preferred over ignorant speech. But if knowledge is illusionary, maybe the difference between the Sarah Palins and the Madame Curries is actually much smaller than we like to think. Perhaps knowledge is just another way of creating hierarchy in society; certainly the knowledgable ones seems themselves as superior to their ignorant cohorts. I know I've been guilty of that, which is a real character weakness.

Raised an insecure individual with low self esteem and social phobia, I discovered that my intellect gave me an edge; the bullies might be stronger, but they would always be lower on the social strata than a smart, educated fellow. I could beat them with my mind, and in some way this succeeded. The problem of course is that such valuations are arbitrary and historical and essentially meaningless.  It's like the guy with the bigger hands gets the highest social status.

But there you go; everyone tries to find a way to fit in, to find their place. I used my intellect and therefore value intelligence and knowledge over strength or money or whatever. But can I say I know more, with my ten years of university education? Sure, but it only means I know .00000000000000000001% of all there is to know about any one subject, rather than just .00000000000000000000001%
Of course being the holder of that knowledge I would value it, but what it should teach me more than anything is humility.

I have several friends who are activists and I'm starting to challenge them with this. If you cannot know with certainty all there is to know about a subject you are fighting for, where's the legitimacy? I think they are fighting on faith as much as their reviled right-wing ideologues. Ultimately, aren't we all ideologues? Aren't we all acting on faith and the belief that we know best?

This isn't a simple issue. Even such issues as right-wing governments cutting back on welfare programs, which seems so obviously wrong to me, is in fact far more complex. We see increased hardship for people but is that all there is to it? My Christian heritage requires me to be compassionate and empathetic to the needy, but giving to the poor has never resolved poverty. Nor has a change in government or government policies. Is it possible that there is no simple solution? And even the notion of poverty and suffering is complex; from what I've seen in people who suffer in the West, is that the suffering starts within their own souls and extends into the world around them.
Occasionally random negative events happen in our lives but in most cases I would argue how they impact us is what's already in our minds and hearts beforehand.
Case in point: we recently had our dinghy and outboard stolen while we were in Brentwood Bay. This really upset me as I don't have the funds to replace it and our insurance company will drop us if we make a claim for it. Ultimately it's a meaningless eventl, but it upsets me because it tugs at notions of lack that I grew up with, as well as a propensity to feel like a victim. I have a wonderous, fantastic life and the loss of a boat and motor doesn't change that at all. In fact all my earthly goods could be taken from me and I would still be the same person with the same life. How I think about this event determines it's effect on me.

So we believe we see suffering as a result of govt. policies and an argument can be made for that, but I'm starting to think reality is far too complex to support such a duality as being based on anything but faith. So what does my activism do? it can change things of course. I can effect change with my words, but is it really any better? For every atrocity I can think of it was some for of action that stopped it, but it was always some form of action that started it in the first place. And always it was hordes and hordes of people who carried the atrocity, through their personal beliefs system and faiths, although history only names the leaders. We abhor Adolph Hitler, but it was everyday humanity that caused the deaths of 70 millions of people. We persecute the leaders of the Rwandan genocide, but it was common folk who hacked their neighbors to death because of their prejudice.

It is us that perpetrate crimes against our fellows, and I'm not at all convinced that those of us with .00000000000000000001% of knwoledge are any less culpable than those with just .00000000000000000000001%, even though we always believe we are right and we always believe we know the best way. The Provincial Liberals believe they know the best way with their welfare cuts and those who oppose them believe that same and neither have a clue what's going on.

SO maybe it really is time to stop doing, to stop talking, and look inside and see what's going on in there. Welfare cuts come from ideology, which comes from inside people's hearts and minds. Same for those who oppose them. What I say to both, in ALL such dualities and conflicts - to stop doing and look inside to your own assumptions and faiths and beliefs.

Perhaps faith and belief is really all that we have. Fair enough. But in that case, stop messing with things. Stop fiddling. Stop trying to change things. If you believe in Ghandy's be the change you want to see in the world, just back away and stop.