Damn, I feel a need to get going. This has been a huge job and I’m grateful for it, by it’s starting to drag and there’s a whole wold out there to explore. It’s almost May now and I have to make a decision soon about sailing around the Island in June. The Boat for Hope is the first week in June and they’ve already contacted me to see if I would participate because our pirate shtick last year was a real hit. We had a lot of fun and I would hate to miss it but I’ve been hanging around Vic for months and need to move further afield.
Tracy’s house sitting fell thorough because the owner has a “traumatised” cat who would not deal with our litlle dog very well. I hope something comes up soon as Tracy is getting fed up with the noise and motion aboard. I don’t blame her as it’s been windy as hell and from the west instead of the usual southwest, causing us to bounce around like it was a bad November or December. It’s been pleasant enough ashore but day after day of creaking fenders and bouncing home gets tiresome. By far the most stormy spring we’ve had living afloat.
My buddy has moved on from the job as well so there’s a lot to finish up next week. I felt a great deal of empathy for him; he tried and tried, but could not stop messing up. He is a smart man and knows how to do this stuff, but deep down he had had enough, didn’t want to do it, and was only doing it because he “should”, for the money.
I’ve been there and it’s awful. Your ego says go this way, but your spirit says go another, and no matter how hard you try, your spirit makes sure you screw it up. I’ve sabotaged myself many times in my earlier days when I forced myself to do things that a deeper part of myself knew was not right for me. Without even being aware of it I would lay traps for myself and others that would blow up in my face.
Some people in some situations can force themselves to live inauthentically. I suspect for those people they believe (and desire) to live false lives as they have internalised a victim role. They can be quite successful being miserable.
But for most of us, when we aren’t following an authentic course in life we fail over and again, thinking that the failure is about us instead of about what we have been taught, and the false road we have been place upon.
A person living an authentic life cannot help but be happy, regardless of their external situation, while there can never be enough rewards for those living a lie. So this friend was doing work he didn’t like, for the money, and a larger part of him said no way. I find it amazing and awe-inspiring to see the power of the human spirit to assert itself, regardless of everything we throw in it’s way.