Loose Moorings

Sweet Days of Sailing

victoria.liveaboard@gmail.com (Nathaniel) — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 23:58:01 GMT

The weather has been so nice these days I decided to stop working and just take off. A few friends were supposed to join me but they forgot, which means I think she chickened out!
It was their loss though as the sailing couldn't have been better: warm, blue skies and 10-15 knot winds from the north and a minor flood tide. It was glorious out there. I found a couple of schooners beating back and forth between clover point and Esquimalt. I'm not surew here they came from as I haven't seen them since perhaps last years tall ships festival (or maybe those were different schooners). They were beautiful as they glided back and forth. There wasn't a hope in hell of my catching them though.

I really wanted to sail, so I put both myself and the old girl (the boat, not Tracy) through our paces. I must have tacked over twenty times yesterday. My hands have gotten soft over the winter and they got pretty sore pulling on those sheets. I decided to beat upwind towards trial island, and when I got there I could resist the temptation to beat my way through enterprise channel.
This place is quite nasty, full of shoals and reefs and currents and I used to be a little anxious going through. But after lots of practice I decided to give it a whirl. at one point I hit 8.9 knots, under just main and storm jib.

And speaking of storm jib, that sail is the cat's butt. It is so much easier tacking when you don't have an 8 oz 150 genoa up front, and yet I was doing a regular 5-6 knots all days yesterday. While a genoa is nice in summer when the winds rea so often light, having this small headsail up there simply means I don't have to reef as often. If the wind dies right down I can always fly the asymmetrical spinnaker. I think it will also make sail lessons a lot easier for new sailors, especially women.

Sailing close and personal

Yes, I see the spinnaker sheet hanging off the rail
I feel good about my productivity today. When we got back I installed a permanent fitting to pull the dinghy, I rewired the fuel pump to come on automatically, and I hauled the spinnaker out of its sock so I could untangle it (I needed to use the halyard winch to haul down the sock last time I used it, which is no fun in a blow).

Next post i'm going to finish up my discussion on attachment and give some helpful hints on a problematic Dickinson furnace.

Whoops

victoria.liveaboard@gmail.com (Nathaniel) — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 16:15:00 GMT

Talk about another boneheaded move. I'm still not used to the modification I made to the fuel system -the electric fuel pump that is powered by a separate toggle switch. When I dreamed that one up I didn't take into account the fallibility of the middle aged mind. So the other day I fired up the diesel just to give it some exercise, and completely forgot about turning on the pump. The engine idled for about ten minutes before sucking the fuel system dry. Talk about a fuel sipping engine. Now I have to bleed the entire system.

Obviously this isn't gonna work.

The way the engine's electrical system is designed is that there is an oil pressure switch that provides 12 volt power to gauges and stuff once the oil pressure reaches a certain level. I had thought of tying the pump into this system, but wasn't sure if it would work to provide fuel pressure after the engine was turning over. Obviously, this isn't a concern if the engine can run that long with no fuel pump at all. Live and learn. I'm glad I figgered it out now, rather than just as I was leaving the dock! The system as it is now is just not fool-proof enough.

I mentioned I've had a few thoughts about independence and individualism. it's a mantra I've followed for decades and while it can be valuable at times, I'm starting to think I've taken it too far. There are real costs associated with it.

AT one level there are economic costs; you can look at it as every time you do a pro's job, you deprive him or her out of a job. In my instance it's kind of a moot point as I've lived on the margins through a large part of my life and quite frankly I wouldn't have afforded many things that i've done myself if I had to hire someone. I've driven a lot of older vehicles because I could afford to. If I had to pay mechanic's bills I never would have afforded a car during long stretches of my life. I've also done a lot of home renos that would have been prohibitive if I paid a contractor.
But not everyone chooses a non-conformist life as I have. And perhaps those who don't can afford to hire others.

But the really important aspect of this involves relationships. Independence is something that we all tend to value, and maybe that's a mistake. What's so wrong about dependency on someone? Although they would probably be loathe to admit it, I suspect fear of eventual abandonement, mistrust, and fear of hurt is likely the biggest reason we choose to carve a lonely path.

Amazingly enough, this value system has become political. The Right despises dependency, which is why they promote small government and social programs. what the Right forgets is that this libertarian streak evolved centuries ago because people found themselves betrayed by the governing class, and they found that self reliance was preferable to the consequences of that betrayal. The difference between now and then is that we are no longer ruled by divine right, but by (supposedly) accountable government.
At it's core - independence seems to me to be fueled by mistrust. Mistrust of a partner, mistrust of authority.
It's not surprising that most people who live uber independent lives are men.

There are many biosocial reasons for this. Testosterone is ultimately an anti-social androgen, which is why young men are by far the most likely to commit violent crimes. Males are also socialised - both by this hormone and by society - to fly solo. Through violence and male competition we learn at young ages that other people are a threat. We are also shamed when we reveal ubiquitous human vulnerabilities. Dependency of any form implies vulnerability. Dependency on government means they can pull the financial rug out on a moment's notice. Emotional dependency on another means that they can abandon you. Many of us have learned that it's less painful to be lonely than to risk and be abandoned.

There was a period in the 90s when the Codependency theory was popular. In that example the bias of the culture was writ large - it was asserted by many, many books and by countless therapists that it was pathological to need someone, to have difficulty functioning independently. A healed and healthy soul was fine and even thrived with being alone. If we needed others we were stuck in some infantile, childhood phase.

The problem was it was a theory, no more, and not based on anything empirical. But it fit with the Western notion of the primacy of independence. What better way to promote this prejudice than by pathologising those who didn't adhere to it? It's an old, old ploy.
actually supported by empirical evidence and research - refutes this. What we have been learning is that as a species we desperately need each other. Because we are such a plastic organsim, we can choose a different path than the one that best suits us, but when we do so there are consequences, both physically and emotionally.
The need for a close human bond is part of what makes us fully human. And when this is circumvented by ideology - one that puts the primacy of the individual over the primacy of human connection, you get the social ills you see rampant in the West: addictions, dependency on mood altering medications, divorce, loneliness, alienation, lack of community, isolation, aggression and consumerism. What we laud as "independence" is profoundly unhealthy for us. While it gives us a sense of power, control, and mastery, ultimately it greatly weakens us.

I'll elaborate further on my next post, but I need to get back to editing my novel.

Check out the latest addition to our galley. We can now make lattes and cappaccino aboard! I picked that puppy up for 15 bucks off usedvictoria.com. They cost like $130 bucks new. Who says that liveaboard life isn't civilised?

Come sail with us. www.selfdiscoverysail.com

What lies beneath Victoria -It might surprise you.

victoria.liveaboard@gmail.com (Nathaniel) — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 18:34:00 GMT

This showed up beside the sidewalk at Camel Point - near Ogden Point. It brings up a whole host of feelings for me. I recall reading about it in the local paper; they have been tearing up the roads in James Bay for a year now, upgrading the stormwater infrastructure, and a crew found her remains.

This is where they found her, under all that asphalt:

And she wasn't the first:

Without a doubt the city was built up over an area where the local First Nations inhabitants used to bury their dead; the location was lost and forgotten and the apartments and houses, concrete and asphalt were laid above. It's anyone's guess how many others are resting under this area.

One one hand they're just bones, not people, but it's still saddening to imagine those unknown remains lying there, cars and pedestrians passing unaware overhead, every day. I wouldn't want my family buried in such a location, but what do you do? it's an inevitable accident of colonial history.
I'm not trying to disguise or apologise for Canada's colonial past, but there's an argument to be made - if you are going to condemn that past, the logical conclusion is that you have to condemn Canada's contemporary existence. Would the world be better off Canada did not exist?

I've finally completed updating and improving my Discovery Adventure Sailing website. There's been a few tweaks and I've added another program, but most importantly it can now be found by google! This debacle is a classic case of a little knowledge being a bad thing. I created the website myself, with little idea how google works or the deeper, technical aspects of web design. In my ignorance, I created all the text for the website in graphics mode, rather than HTML. It looked nice, but the problem is google bots can't crawl a graphic, and therefore the website wouldn't show up under a search. Even if you googled the exact name of the site you wouldn't come up with anything!

I've had this site up since November, and it's been a complete bust. It's like it hasn't even been there. I did wonder why the traffic stats were so low, and that the only referrer was this blog, and not google. it was that anomaly that started me digging to find out what was going on. I'm not sure why it didn't occur to me earlier to try googling the site, but I'm relieved that I found the problem long before the season really gets going.

Since I was redoing everything anyway, I also optimized all the images so it should download much faster.
I suppose I could have just paid a web designer 100 bucks to make one for me, but that flies in the face of my self-sufficiency ethos.

And speaking of self-sufficiency, I've come to understand that as a value system it needs a closer examination than I've given it before. But I'll leave that for the next post.

Come sail with us. www.selfdiscoverysail.com

RESULTS Northwest Conference

victoria.liveaboard@gmail.com (Nathaniel) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 22:13:00 GMT

Tumultuous day today, weather-wise. I was planning on going sailing but it's snowing! I went for a walk to Ogden point with the dog today and was very surprised to find it blowing from the northwest, which is very unusual, especially this time of year. There was a very ugly storm cloud coming, with dark streaks down to the Juan de Fuca Strait. The wind was cold. Eventually it got quite dark and it started snowing and hailing. Being out there on the water would have been quite uncomfortable as I need to have a look at the Dickenson furnace and tighten up the flame detector before it will stay lit. Maybe tomorrow.

Feeling quite bushed these days as I've been burning the candle at both ends. I was in Vancouver Thursday and Friday and then had a weekend long RESULTS conference. I'm afraid I kinda let the organiser down as I committed to be there as tech support and then subsequently forgot. In my defense I didn't hear from her about it. I knew the conference was going Sat morning but the damned dog woke me up at 6 and I was feeling very worn out, never mind sleep deprived, so I decided to catch a few extra zzz.
Of course the almost-new digital video projector packed it in during a power point and the phone started ringing.

The rest is history. It was a fantastic conference. We even had Raffi as a keynote speaker. Yes, that's the Raffi of Baby Beluga fame. he is no longer making children's music but instead advocating for children's rights at his centre on Saltspring Island. What a kind, open, beautiful man. it was a real privilege to meet him.

The focus of the conference was serious -how to end poverty and human suffering around the world. RESULTS has had an admirable record in this regard and I'm humbled to be a small part of it. And yet this sombre focus, the warmth and joy was palpable. Many of those present have spent a great deal of their lives trying to make the world a better place, and you could feel their love and compassion.
On the last day, many people had tears in their eyes when they talked about certain situations, and how they had been moved by a presentation. It was so wonderful to see that even though a situation is important and takes objective, rational planning, we don't have to park our hearts and emotions at the door.
This is important as I believe it is our warmth and humanity that will bring about global change, not our intellects.

Raffi at our RESULTS Northwest Conference

As an aside, I want to apologise to Keith Fountain for a few comments I made during my stint on the Hill in Ottawa at the national conference in November.

This is what I said: ...the morning started with a meeting at CIDAand the government's policy adviser Keith Fountain. Although the guywas as much a politician as one could get and was hard coreconservative, we pretty much got everything we asked for...

I learned over the weekend that apparently his staff did a 'net search and found my blog. and this comment. Which subsequently made the rounds and came back to the RESULTS organisers. He was a good sport and laughed it off, but it is a reminder to me (yet again) that this is a public forum and that politicians are always scanning all kinds of media to see what people are saying about them.

Anyway, I hear he has moved on, but I sincerely hope I didn't cause any offense.

On a lighter note, several American RESULTS members professed admiration for Canada, and so were made "Honorary Canadians".
In the spirit of that, I've created an Honorary Canadian facebook group for those who believe that Canada provides a worthy example to the world. Feel free to join it and pass it along.

Come sail with us. www.selfdiscoverysail.com

The Concordia and living back aboard

victoria.liveaboard@gmail.com (Nathaniel) — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 17:49:00 GMT

it is a great relief that all were recovered alive after the sinking of the Concordia. But as this article shows, the teeth gnashing and hand wringing is about to begin.
I'm of two minds regarding this. Marine technology advances slowly and every bit of data we can accumulate helps this progression. Vessel design appears to be an inexact science, and even now ships are being built where the final performance is unknown. We in BC have had a long run of building or purchasing ferries that looked good on paper and in engineers heads, but failed to perform as hoped.
Unlike other forms of engineering and design, the behavoiur of man-made objects in the dynamic marine environment remains art as well as science.
This is not surprising; there are an incredible number of variables involved, both in the vessel itself and the sea. The fact that these have not been fully quantified means that it's anyone's guess what will be the real-world result of such and such vessel in such and such conditions. And as one of the commentors on the above article points out, what is measured on a new boat tied to a dock can be vastly different from a used boat heavily laden with stores, water, fuel, crew, and sails drawing in a blow. Maybe it will be impossible to ever know all the details that effect the stability of a vessel.

But my doubt emerges with what may be unspoken assumptions, which are that this shouldn't have happened and that this journey should have been ensured to be safe. Neither of which may be correct.
The simple fact is that going to sea is and will always be dangerous. There is a risk involved in sailing and too many seem to forget that. Going to sea - especially offshore - is not a trip to disneyland. All around the world people die every day in marine mishaps, and when parents send their kids to sea that need to realise this risk. Unfortunately, this fact is downplayed by the sailing schools because they don't want to deter potential customers. I'm no expert on the industry, but it is presented almost like an Outward Bound experience, where kids get to challenge themselves while the adults around them keep them safe. And that's simply not the case.
We can struggle all we like with certification and testing but sailing will always be dangerous, and for me that's part of the appeal. It is crucial that you follow safety protocols and learn to be the best mariner you can, which will hopefully eliminate the really stupid kinds of mistakes, but human error will always be a factor and equipment can and will fail when you need it most. It's that unpredictability that makes sailing an adventure.
There is a tendency for people to think that accidents and tragedies simply shouldn't happen, but the fact is they can and will and everyone needs to have their eyes open to the risk before they cast off.

Back aboard again and it's wonderful. And it's going to take some time to get used to the small space again after the mansion on the water, especially the V-berth. There was a lot of fussing and kicking last night as we came to terms with the fact that we have very little room, especially when compared to that massive king-sized bed. But getting up this morning to the sun on the water, to living back on the water, to the view of the harbour and the smell of the creosote was fantastic.
I was very surprised to feel regret at leaving that house, though. Very quickly the hottub, big screen TV, sauna etc lost their novelty, but the huge bed and waking up in the morning looking out over Haro Strait was lovely, and the one touch espresso maker was a delight. The massive kitchen and dishwasher was also a bonus. Being able to just open a door to let the dog out and the laundry downstairs really spoiled us.
But now we are back to the lifestyle where everything is a little harder, a little more awkward. Adapting is going gonna take some time.

There has been a big consequence for living away from downtown though-i swear I've gained several pounds. it didn't help all the goodies at xmas and new years, not to mention our big birthday bash a few weeks ago, but the real reason is that we were too far from the gym to regularly work out, and we couldn't walk everywhere like we used to. I was cycling and walking everywhere before, rarely ever leaving the downtown area, but for the last three months we hardly ever went anywhere where we didn't need a car. Which is of course one of the worst aspects of the suburbs.
It's gonna be an uphill slog to work of this weight.

Check out the local rum that the folks brought back from the British Virgin Isles. Apparently the distillery is the only one on the islands and is the size of a large outhouse. Mother's milk for a sailor!

Keep an eye on our website as I will be updating it soon.

Come sail with us. www.selfdiscoverysail.com

The future of life aboard?

victoria.liveaboard@gmail.com (Nathaniel) — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 04:57:00 GMT

It’s been an amazing few weeks for me; a bit of a crisis that resolved itself (as they always seem to) Not sure where it came from but it certainly turned things upside down. I wouldn’t be surprised if my 49 birthday last week wasn’t the precipitating cause, but then who knows? What I do know is I spent the last two weeks examining a lot about my life – relationships, the meaning of love, purpose, goals, and being.

I feel like a lot has fallen away through the process: a lot of old ways of looking at things, a lot of old baggage. I even had a concrete metaphor of this –the other day i was undoing my belt buckle and something fell with a clatter into the toilet. For a horrified moment I thought it was my new ipod, but it turned out to be the pewter belt buckle I bought around 15 years ago. This is a pretty massive thing: a little silly and stereotypical wolf’s head with a guy riding a Harley and the caption “Born to be Free”. The casting was titled “Untamed Spirit”.

When I first saw this thing I was in the process of throwing off a lot of old and stale ideas, going through my very own mid-life crisis. I had spent decades living according to “shoulds” instead of needs, and suffered accordingly. As I was making several changes in my life I saw this buckle, and knew I had to have it.
It is very worn, the edges rubbed smooth on successive pairs of Levi’s. This was the second time the buckled had fallen off as the wire that holds it to the leather has worn right through the pewter casting. That buckle has been a badge of both honour and purpose for me for a long time, reflecting my core value of freedom.
It is falling off because I don’t need it anymore, and because I no longer have the same core values. As soon as possible I will respectfully consign it to the depths.

It’s hard to know what I will get as a replacement. A buddy has given me a new one that shows a crescent moon winking at the form of a nude woman. It’s quite the pretty thing, but so overtly sexist that I can’t see myself wearing it. Not really any different from those trucker’s mudflaps that I find so offensive.

The first thing I’ve noticed that has changed is my attachment to Tracy. I’ve never felt more deeply in love and devoted to her. The fence sitting that has been part of my craving for freedom is over. You would think after 31 years of knowing her that my mind had been made up, but in my defence, my relationship with her has been the longest that I’ve stuck to anything in my life, and there were many times I felt the urge to seek distant shores.
But now we’ve started on a new and deeper approach to intimacy in our relationship, which only goes to show that no matter how long you have loved someone, there are still deeper and more terrifying levels to go.

Somehow I’ve become aware that “freedom” is really an internal phenomenon, and that keeping distant from others is not the way to go.

As well as surrendering an antiquated ideal of masculine independence, I’ve also surrendered a persistent fear of death. All my adult life I’ve been disturbed by the notion of the obliteration of self. It seemed to me that nothing could be worse and that life was in some ways a hideous joke, in that it must end in catastrophe for the same self that one spends a life trying to cultivate. It’s like dedicating your life to one fine, delicate blossom, knowing that in a few weeks frost will erase all evidence that it ever was.

But a new image of death came to me one day. It probably means nothing to others as my image came to me as an aspect of all that I have been –my beliefs, history, ways of thinking - but the image I get is that of a scaffolding holding together my ego, my consciousness. Upon my death the scaffolding will collapse and the ego will disperse. Whether I have a form of consciousness after that I have no idea but it doesn’t matter, as it’s only the ego that cares, and it will be dismantled.
I know my ego is not me. I have no concept or perception of what I truly am, but the question no longer disturbs me. I do know that all that I think and fear and love and doubt and believe is cultural, historical and biological, and so is contingent on time. When time ends for me, so does that scaffolding. I’m curious to imagine what if anything will be left.

I must say it is very freeing to dispense with the belief that what goes on in my consciousness is me. Frankly, most of that is just silly crap, and it won’t be a great loss when it’s all gone.

Tomorrow we move back to the boat. I’m very excited to see where my future takes me from here.

As a quick aside, I recently acquired an iphone and am posting this aboard a BC ferry in the middle of the Strait of Georgia. I found that it wouldn't cost anymore to do all my internet and phoning through this device than when we had an ip phone, roger's portable, and a cell, but would actually simplify things a lot. I get 500 minutes of daytime calling, unlimited eves and weekends, unlimited text, voice mail and call waiting and call display, and 3 gigs of data. an iphone for $100.00 bucks.

Boat co-operates for a change

victoria.liveaboard@gmail.com (Nathaniel) — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 20:55:00 GMT

I"m a little stunned. I had a big list of things to do and take care of, and one by one they just fell away. I went looking for that water leak and found at least one the first place I looked - right off the water pressure pump. Tightened that up and we'll see if there are any other leaks. Replacing the regulator on the BBQ was a bit of a pain as it seems that crappy tire has changed the size of the fittings for their replacement regulators, as this new one wouldn't fit. I had to drive all over town looking for a small length of threaded fitting to connect the regulator to the gas orifice. It was only after all this wasted time did I think to check and see if Dickinson sells replacement parts.
They do in fact, and I would have gone that route if I had thought of it. Most times I don't even think of using OEM parts, because OEM is short for grab your ankles. In this case it's only twice as much as the crappy tire part.

There were a few other things as well; i don't really remember as the last few days have been a blur. I'm now starting to think about preventative maintenance, which really frightens me; generally the list is a mile long without looking for trouble. But I don't think the steering cable has been replaced in many years (if ever) and that's a cheap repair that can save an enormous amount of grief. But notice I said cheap, not simple. That's gonna be a real headache, which is why I haven't done it yet.

The Dickinson furnace started acting up again but that can wait until the fall, i'm thinking. That unit is badly designed; the electrical connection to the flame detector (for the flameout safety shutoff) is a friction-fit clamp. the heat cold cycles loosen the damn thing and then the furnace won't stay lit. To tighten it back up you have to completely pull the unit apart to reach the clamp. Most safety shutoffs use a heat/pressure sensor and this is the first time I've seen an electrical one, and I'm not impressed.

Next week I'm heading outta town to do another floor. Sheldon and I are become experts at installing real hardwood flooring on cement - what you will typically find in a condo. In the past, people have generally gone with floating laminate floors, but the difference between real hardwood and plastic is striking. This new SIka Accoubond system is a fantastic solution, and it provides good sound insulation between floors, which is also often required in a condo.

Knowing what you don't know

victoria.liveaboard@gmail.com (Nathaniel) — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 01:32:00 GMT

One of the difficulties I have in doing this blog – and in any other kind of public discourse – is that any kind of assertion or declarative statement is dependent on faith, my faith that was I’m saying is true. This kind of faith is quite rare in me, believe it or not.

Increasingly my blog is becoming focused on my own experience, rather than opinions. One reason is that if there is one resource the world is not short on, it’s opinions. Debate may be a good thing, but the cacophony of voices out there are so many, diffuse, and antagonistic, it is like one loud, continuous, unintelligible roar. The absence of my own would be no bad thing.

The other is that I’ve spent much of my life with my eyes and ears open, and I’ve come to understand that truth is much more approach and perspective than anything objective. So getting a real handle on anything is like wrestling a greased pig blindfolded. The longer I spend on this planet, the more I realise I don’t know squat, and neither does anyone else. In fact, the stronger I feel about something, the more suspicious I am of my own words.

Asserting anything is a real act of hubris, because it assumes you really know something, when all evidence suggest otherwise. It is very, very rare when I hear an assertion that I couldn’t reasonably follow with, “Perhaps, but what about…”
Even so-called objective truths, the falsifiable facts that science provides us with are very subjective in that they are limited by history and language. We don’t know what we don’t know, and we can only describe things in terms of pre-existing ones.

What can become troubling is even our own subjective states are very subjective. How we know ourselves is contingent on culture, language and history. How I describe my inner world might be very different if I was an Atheist or a Muslim.

Just recently my perspective on relationships has taken a major upheaval. I’ve spent a lot of time in counselling and doing counselling, and part of my worldview involves the notion of “codependency” that was so popular in the 90’s. The idea that closeness is good, too close is bad. Recently I’ve started Reading Sue Johnsons’ book Hold Me Tight. In this book she examines relationships from an attachment perspective, and unlike that earlier paradigm, she has reams of science behind her to back up her assertions.
I’ve been fascinated by attachment theory for many years, and focused on it while getting my art therapy degree. Everything she talks about makes sense from the perspective of attachment theory, what we know of primate bonding, human development, and my own intuitive experience.

Suddenly, a perspective that I have believed in and followed for many years, an approach that guided my own intimate relationships, is shown to be not only incorrect, but potentially destructive as well. I highly recommend her book.

The irony is of course that her theories will only stand until a better one comes along. It’s not that she’s “got it”, but that in all probability she is less incorrect than the previous model. Even the very manner in which we love each other is subject to changing times and ideas.

Now that’s not to say that you must therefore give equal credence to all possibilities; I am a very critical viewer and not easily persuaded. However, given adequate evidence, I love to have my worldview shaken up. There is nothing quite so wonderful as a new way to look at the old, to be given new eyes as it were.
But every time I write something down here, there are is a voice that says “Yes, but…”

A few images from Sunday's sail.

Just raised the main...

Passing close to Trial island late in the day

Nothing like a toasted bagel and borscht to warm the insides.

Enjoying light winds and a late afternoon sun.

And what a sunset we were gifted with!

Spring sailing (wait, it's still winter, right?)

victoria.liveaboard@gmail.com (Nathaniel) — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 21:35:00 GMT

I've been waiting to update this blog because I have some lovely pictures taken while sailing with a client on Sunday. The problem is this camera needs a special USB cable, and I keep ending up with either the cable or the camera, but not both. It's an ongoing headache living between two addresses; I just drove from Gorden head to the boat to finish up this BBQ repair (the regulator needs replacing) and realised I neglected to bring a small fitting that I left in the pocket of my other pants.

It was a gorgeous 5-hour sail out to discover Island and back. The winds and tide cooperated at last, and we hit over 7 knots going through enterprise channel. We timed it right to catch the ebb on the return leg and watched the sun go down as we beat towards harbour. A little cool at the end of the day, but spectacularly beautiful on the water.

Things are getting a little crazy here; I just discovered that a propane tank fitting is leaking (the line to the BBQ, which is supposed to be self-sealing), and my propane tank is now empty. I just filled it last week!
It also seems that I have a water leak somewhere as 75 gallons of water has mysteriously disappeared. I'm hoping it's something obvious or else the cabin sole will have to come up (again!!!!).

My spinnaker snuffer is jamming and needs to be looked at as well. It's so good to be back on the boat!

I'm updating my business website. I still hope to focus mostly on the adventure based counselling -the Outward Bound - stuff, but I suspect that my bread and butter will be sail training. The thing is, I believe we can offer a unique experience in that as well, especially in working with women and older folks. I've heard many, many stories of sailing students being barked at by macho skippers, and otherwise being abused, and there will be none of that on my vessel. Even when I took sailing lessons, the skipper yelled at me for making a mistake. And I'm paying for this? Many people already find the experience really challenging to begin with and they sure don't need some lunkhead berated them.

The client I worked with on Sunday was a little anxious, and it was obvious that a hard-nosed or abrupt approach would not be appropriate at all. Support, encouragement, talking a lot and letting the client set their own pace and their own goals is a much more appropriate way to help people learn. You don't need to yell or criticise to have authority, and I would suggest the opposite is actually true.

One picture I did get, but it was taken by my client, not me, so all you get is a mug shot

Come sail with us. www.selfdiscoverysail.com

On land, looking over the water

victoria.liveaboard@gmail.com (Nathaniel) — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 00:53:00 GMT

I checked the Kelp Reef buoy and as it turns out it didn't get quite as bad as they predicted - 33 knots that night. Oddly, it did hit 38 knots at the southern end of the Strait. Still, riding on the hook in those kinds of winds is never fun. We did it last fall off Comox spit, and my companion vessel dragged anchor, leading to one very exciting early morning rise.

The thing is, you never know what you avoided unless you don't avoid it, and then the only comfort you have after the dust clears is the knowledge that your first guess - to tuck tail and run - was the correct one.

I'm sitting on the bed right now looking down on Haro Strait at Zero Rock. I passed right by there a couple of days ago. It's blowing almost 30 right now, a few knots higher than when I came through. What a complete and total difference a mile makes. In think it took me about 3-4 hours from here to make it to harbour, and it took me about 30 minutes to drive back. Here I'm warm and safe and enjoying the view, then I was at risk of hurling. The ride was bumpy, intense and the boat needed constant attention. Now I can just go to sleep. Here my mind can wander and I can lose myself in TV or the internet, there I was fully engaged in what I was doing, fully engaged in life! There was (mild)adventure and here in this bedroom, being married, not so much.

As I was whacking through the surf, at first felt somewhat peeved at having to motor home. I then realised that I often feel robbed somehow when the wind is from the wrong quarter or non existent. After all,it's a SAILBOAT, right? But then it occurred to me that my thinking might be totally wrong.
I like most sailors, have a disdain for power vessels, dismissing themas stinkpots. Looking more closely at it, I think at least part of the prejudice comes from the wealth of foolish men out there that can so often be found at the wheel of said craft. I've personally only had to shake my fist at one sailor in all my years on the water, but until thecost of fuel went through the roof, it was almost a daily occurrence when cruising.
The other part of it is of course that sailors love sailing, and motoring is just boating, which is also something different. Yet it isn't so bad; our auxiliaries allow us to get to places we otherwise couldn't go, and they sometimes even save our keesters. I've at times felt that motoring was almost cheating, or taking a short cut. The easy way. The funny thing tho, I don't feel that about propane heat, GPS,VHF radios, or any of the other dozens of modern conveniences aboard that make sailing safer, more fun, and easier. Maybe I should throwaway my lazy jacks and roller furling and windlass and head and water pump while I'm at it.
My engine sips fuel so it's easy on the environment. It allows me much greater choice. And most of all, it gets me on the water despite what the weather might be doing, and that's very important to me.
I suppose purists who do sail without an engine feel that there is something gained by it. I can understand that, I think. But what it would require would be an almost complete disassociation from land-based intercourse, because as we are all aware, when ashore, time is king.
I dream of a life when there are no reasons to go except a simple desire to, and if the wind does not co-operate, you simply wait until it does. But my current life does not permit such flexibility, and Isuspect that's the case for most people.
I also suspect that going sans motor is far more reasonable for bluewater cruisers, who use the much more consistent offshore winds. As most of us know, the south coast is a maze of islands and reefs and headlands, and as demonstrated earlier, winds can vary an enormous amount even in the same body of water. We have salt water rivers meandering through archipelagos, with crazy currents in many places. I have deep respect for those who originally charted these waters in sailcraft, but it shouldn't be forgotten that a great deal of the actual surveying was done in small, rowed vessels, and a rowed vessel is simply a power boat with a person(s) as the motor.

At any rate, I felt grateful for my little 30hp tractor diesel, and I'm going to make a concerted effort in the future to remember that any day on the water -even a motoring day -is a good one.

Here's an interesting website of the City of Adelaide, sister ship to the Cutty Sark . I find it amazing that this is considered a project of preservation rather than restoration. Look at the picture of it...

Come sail with us. www.selfdiscoverysail.com

Sailing scuttled by weather-again.

victoria.liveaboard@gmail.com (Nathaniel) — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 00:21:00 GMT

That was quick. Quick and intense.
Yesterday's sail was a nice 15 knot downwind run to Sidney Spit. I was even able to fly the spinnaker. The first leg along Juan de Fuca Strait required me to motorsail as winds were pretty light and I had 26 miles to make up by dark, and I left at noon. But once I cleared Banes channel the wind veered to the southeast and I was able to sail the whole way.
Unfortunately, I was having problems with the storm jib jamming. When I first left Vic i had no problems, but after stowing it so I could run the spinnaker, when I went to pull the jib out again (winds became too strong for the chute), it would only come out half way.
I was very fortunate that I got 99% of it furled again before it jammed in the other direction.

The mast head is a long way from deck and it was getting late, but I could see what the trouble was - I had a halyard wrap across the top of the foil. Because the luff of the storm jib is a couple of feet shorter than the genoa, the halyard extends down parallel with the headstay and foil. Not good. The halyard is supposed to intersect with the furling head unit at an acute angle so this can't happen. There is a lot of friction inside the head unit cause by luff tension, and the tendency is for the halyard to wrap around the foil rather than allow the swivel to work. It actually has positive feedback to do this, because as the halyard starts to wrap, it's effective length shortens and so it pulls upwards on the head of the sail, increasing friction inside the swivel. Eventually it jams because swivel fiction is too high.

In order to fix this I need to unfurl the sail and raise the tack at least a couple of feet.

Anyway, I arrived at SIdney Spit late in the afternoon. The wind was still blowing pretty good but miracles of miracles, there were a slew of mooring buoys to choose from! In the three years we have owned Fainleog, I've never been able to grab one of these. I'm a start late and arrive late kinda guy. The mooring ring was very corroded and I didn't like the thought of my mooring line rubbing against that rough surface all night, so I unshackled my anchor chain and used that instead. It was nice to know that I was as as secure as if tied to the dock, but man, that chain made a lot of racket last night. A sailboat is like a drum when anything bumps or rattles on the surface.
I've had a woman friend stay aboard for the last week and the place really smelt like perfume. Normally I'm not too keen on the stuff and Tracy never wears it, but in this case I found it quite compelling. It really "feminised" the place.

I was also quite surprised to see another sailboat moored in there. In fact, I saw a few out even though the weather was miserable. Sailors really are a breed apart.

It felt so very, very good to be in my boat again, bobbing with the waves and listen to the moaning of the wind. It was very hard to get out of the V-berth this morning as it was just so comfortable and cozy.

My plan was to head further north but the weather had other ideas. I agonised over the decision, but eventually decided to cut and run back home. You see, they had increased the forecast to a possible 40 knots SE-E, and nobody wants to be in such an exposed anchorage in that kind of blow, mooring buoy or not. I wasn't afraid of dragging but that would have been very uncomfortable with my ass hanging out like that. I was planning perhaps 3 days - Montegue and Ganges. I thought of making a run for Montegue but my headsail needed fixing and the wind would be against tide and they were calling for 25 knots. And only an idiot or a desperate man would try docking in Ganges with that kind of forecast. Very often winds are even stronger in there than outside the harbour! Montegue would possibly have worked, but they are calling for strong S or SE winds until Monday, and nobody likes banging upwind for that length of time it would take to get from Montegue or Ganges to Oak Bay.

I checked other anchorages and most in the southern Gulf Islands are open to the E and S.

It seemed that the prudent choice was to stay put or head back. Staying put would have been a rodeo and head further north would have put me into a hole until next week, so turn about seemed the correct option.

In a way I'm not disappointed. I enjoy it when things don't go as planned because it forces me to think on the hope and decide the best course of action. There were many things I could do, but which is the safest and most prudent, given all the above factors. If even one of those important details had changed -sail condition, wind strength, wind direction, anchorages, I would have made a different choice.

As I expected, the sail back (motoring of course) was a real rodeo. And for the first time I was forced to take a Gravol. It might have been because it's been 6 months since I've spent significant time in those conditions, or I might be coming down with something. Either way all the bouncing and rolling had me feeling a little green so i took the pill just in case. I figure it was about as bad as it got on our trip to Cape Scott and back last fall.

The funny thing though is that once I came round Cadboro point, the wind died completely and the water was very smooth. Coming out of Enterprise Channel, I found the wind had veered 180 degrees and was now coming from the North! It's hard to believe that wind could be blowing 2o-25 knots SE up Haro Strait and yet be blowing 4 knots N in Juan de Fuca. The wind around here is amazing.

You know, I've been mocked before about these little cruises I go on, and yet to me they are invaluable experience for offshore sailing. It doesn't matter that the CG is right there on the radio, or I'm only a few miles from land. The point is that when I'm out there, I have to deal with whatever comes up on my own. It's all there - wind and waves, options to consider and choices that must be made, equipment that must be fixed, hazards to avoid. The big difference that I can see is that if you make a mistake offshore, there's nobody around to pull your chestnuts out of the fire. But even here, you still need to make choices that prevent you needing someone to pull your chestnuts out of the fire!

Come sail with us. www.selfdiscoverysail.com

Sailing

victoria.liveaboard@gmail.com (Nathaniel) — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 19:43:00 GMT

Well, the tide's foul, the wind's foul and the weather is miserable, but I'm going sailing. It seems like you can wait for ever for the stars to align themselves and I need to go. Life ashore is always so complex and busy and the most important things always seem to get pushed aside.
heading to the Gulf Islands. Catch you all on the flip side.

Waves Increasing Off the Coast

victoria.liveaboard@gmail.com (Nathaniel) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 21:02:00 GMT

Interesting news. Not sure if they are talking wind waves or swells (which are quite different, of course). I suppose the positive is that we are more equipped than ever to predict storms and the waves that they bring. Anything can happen anywhere but as a matter of odds, if you get into trouble you probably missed something somewhere.

Like this summer. I'm writing an article for a sailing magazine and I've been talking to SAR professionals. What we did wrong in losing a member of our party and having to call the coast guard is that we neglected to establish firm protocols and contact information. we didn't even have the skipper's last name! that includes more than just cell phone numbers, but emergency contact numbers as well.

We ran into trouble because we made mistakes.

Mistakes will never end of course. Look what happened to the Queen of the North, and those were professionals. Exxon Valdez, etc. etc.
Anecdotal evidence suggest to me that when private vessels are concerned, lack of knowledge and experience is often at fault; with professionals it seems more emotional/mental health problems including substance abuse.

I want to go sailing! today is nice, but my boat is still occupied and it looks like rain for the next several days.

Dreaming

victoria.liveaboard@gmail.com (Nathaniel) — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 00:08:00 GMT

Here's the latest from the International Chamber of Shipping regard Somalia piracy. There certainly is a tone of frustration, with real cause. It does seem incredible that the international community seems so impotent to stop this. Of course the international community is also largely to blame for the situation emerging - recall that it was only after fish stocks were devastated by mostly European fishing fleets that fishermen turned to piracy. And it was only after these small scale efforts proved so lucrative did organised crime take over.
I also have to wonder how much western meddling was responsible for the collapse of the state of Somalia itself; i need to do a little more reading on it.

Of course the world needs to deal with this situation, of course the world needs to give Somalia a hand's up out of anarchy. I could give a fiddler's fart for the shipping companies themselves, but the seamen and women who sail the Indian Ocean are now at risk, and although few lives have been lost so far, as ships arm themselves the stakes will rise. And don't kid yourself; if the shipping companies continue to lose money this way, they will start taking the law into their own hands. The last paragraph in the press release above is frightening in it's implications:

“It is extraordinary that governments today seem less able to protect shipping than they were almost 200 years ago.”

200 years ago, when a pirate was sighted by a man-of-war, they were blown out of the water, no quarter given. The reverse was often the case when a merchantman was taken by pirates. Do we want to return to the days of wholesale slaughter on the seas?

I've been having strange dreams of late: I've often drempt that I'm back in university again, retaking classes that I've taken before in an attempt to improve my marks. But in those dreams I'm doing quite poorly, and not getting anywhere. It's like I'm afraid to advance to the next level of my education such as a Masters or PhD, just languishing in what I've already done at the bachelor's level. And now last night I had a disturbing dream of doing the same, but this time I'm bombing high school, failing courses that I completed decades ago! Talk about going backwards in life.
I'm not one to interpret dreams as I don't believe they are literal. But I do pay attention to the feelings that emerge from them, and in this case they are a certain sadness and fear, a gnawing awareness that life is passing me by.

I doubt that there is any path without wonders and doubts. For every path we choose there is a myriad of others that are then closed to us, and it is only human to wonder what those others would have offered. In most cases there isn't a right and wrong way to do life; there are choices and each choice results in an outcome. Some outcomes we prefer to others, but who can say which one is the better, especially when we cannot really know what the other option would have been like?
I've often told my children that no matter what choice you make you will learn and grow from the experience. The only "wrong" choice is to stay still, to do nothing.

When I look at my values, when I look at my needs, my life has been awesome. I've done so much in the last 1/2 century, even if from the outside there isn't much in evidence. And I suspect that that is part of the difficulties I'm having at this stage of my life - very little externally in terms of power, status, and material wealth to show for it, to remind me of where I've been.
Paradoxically, none of that has any lasting or intrinsic meaning, so I suspect that those who have chosen more well-trodden paths likely also share the same doubts as mine. One of the great things about being human is that none of us are unique - whatever you feel you can assume that miilions of others feel it as well, no matter how bizarre or unique you believe your experience to be.

Looking back I wouldn't have done it any different; all the major choices I made were right for me at the time. But now? Where do I go from here? There are no shortage of challenges that a fellow can take on, but it's not a matter of choosing challenges for the sake of them, but choosing ones that take you closer to your "destiny" whatever the hell that is.

I'm getting a sense it's about achieving more external things, but having already walked down that path and found it wanting, I wonder if I'm not just experiencing garden-variety existential anxiety. "for you are dust, and to dust you shall return” is more than a comment regarding the ubiquitousness of our material nature; it's an assertion that all we do is ephemeral and ultimately meaningless.

Despite what the media says, despite what is assumed by the greater culture, despite the values thrown at us day after day, my gut tells me that it is who we are that counts, rather than what we do.
Some may have an issue with that, as how can we know who someone is without seeing what they do. And if you will judge someone, shouldn't it be according to what they do, rather than what they say, intend, or carry hidden inside themselves?

The problem lies in the judgment itself. Who's to say that it is required that you be able to see what is in my heart? Our legal system is based on evaluating the significance of human behaviour, but that is simple a social order issue, and not what I'm talking about. What's at stake here is not the orderly functioning of society, but the purpose of human existence.

We judge saints according to their deeds. We look for selflessness, kindness, compassion, humility, and service. Jesus is the model for much of the Western world.

And yet we are dust. Everything we do turns to dust. No matter what you do, no matter what you provide society or civilisation, it all carries on as if you never were. People love and kill, people are born and die, we all struggle for meaning, we all try to overcome our limitations. Banting and Best saved so many people with their discoveries, they ended so much suffering, and yet suffering carries on, and countless individuals still die. One plague ends and another rises. Nations rise and fall, and so do civilisations, no matter how powerful or ancient.
Dust in the wind. And so if we accept that, what we do is ultimately irrelevant. But because I don't believe that we are irrelevant, that life is meaningless, that what we are is of absolute, utmost importance.

I think it comes down to not wanting to engage in "good" or admirable behaviour, but to struggle to become "good", and probably the behaviour will reflect that in ways that others will approve. Good behaviour on it's own is almost meaningless because it's just as easily a manifestation of things other than enlightened spirit -poor self esteem, a deep need to be liked, a need to be accepted, a need for praise, a need to be hidden. While no doubt others can take advantage of it, it's still false and manipulative and at it's core, a lie.

I suspect the world would be a much better place if people struggled as hard to "be" good as they did to have good behavior (which is socially and culturally contingent). An enormous part of my life has been spent struggling towards this, but I have soo very far to go. Perhaps that's why I feel stuck. Perhaps I need to change my life in a way that puts this even more paramount. It's an intriguing notion, although I have no idea what that looks like.

I've talked before about goal setting, and yes there are very concrete ways to go about achieving things. But the real concern is not how to get something, but what to get, and why, and what that means. That is such a very important question.

Come sail with us. www.selfdiscoverysail.com

Sailing the Broughtons last year

Swimming in Cowichan Bay. The water was 75 degrees F!

Brentwood Bay sunset

East Sooke Park

Taking the girls for a drive in the country.

Come sail with us. www.selfdiscoverysail.com

Nothing Beats Living Aboard

victoria.liveaboard@gmail.com (Nathaniel) — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 02:51:00 GMT

I started up the engine the other day and it lit instantly, so the air leak was indeed coming from the old fuel pump. This is important as before I had to keep my finger on the starter to coax it along, which is not go for it at all. The remaining issue is that once it starts it will not go to full revs, but burbles along for maybe about 10 or 15 seconds before it will take off. Unburnt fuel accumulates and there is a big puff of white smoke.

I’m not sure if this is something I’m going to bother with. I suspect that air is still getting in somewhere after the line from the pump-just a little bit, enough to keep proper fuel flow to all injectors until it has been run a few seconds.
This is such a minor issue that I’m not sure I want to chase it down. All that’s left is the primary filter and it’s seals, and the steel line from it to the injection pump. No fuel is leaking so tracking down the source of the air looks like is going to be a hassle and there’s really no reason to be concerned. At this point I’m really talking about very diminished returns for the effort.

There’s another Green Drinks meeting coming up next Tuesday, and again I’ve offered 3 hours of sailing lessons as one of the silent auction prizes. The auction is a fundraiser for Green Drinks. A woman bought the last one and we talked about her going out but I haven’t seen her in a month. Maybe she’s waiting for warmer weather?

I see that they canceled the cruise ship that was going to be used as a floating hotel for the olympics. I am very glad I didn’t go forward with my scheme to rent out my boat for the event. At $150.00/ a night and reservations required I would have been in it for some serious change, and likely not have been able to make it back. There are literally thousands of people wanting to make money off this and prices have been falling like crazy. You can rent a nice downtown condo for under $100.00/night, and there is no way I can compete with that, if I’m starting at a cost of $150.00!
It seems like the massive hordes that they predicated are either waiting to the last minute or just aren’t coming.

I’ve been hammering my brain trying to understand why I so dislike living out here in Gordon Head. Logically, it makes no sense. Gorgeous house, sauna and hot tub, theatre room, bedroom picture windows overlooking the ocean. Am I crazy?
But then it came to me – the house we had in Abbotsford was also lovely; it was far and above the nicest home in the whole neighbourhood. 1/3 of an acre right in the heart of the city, massive lawns and huge flower gardens. A studio for me in the back. Undeveloped forested property behind us. Covered hot tub as well. Gorgeous 1913 heritage home.

I also hated it. Don’t get me wrong, I knew it was very beautiful and I enjoyed it, but after all, it’s only a home. For some people I guess that’s pretty important, but for me it’s just a place to sleep and eat. It sure as hell isn’t your life.
This place reminds me so much of Abbotsford, and I was so depressed living the suburban life out there. I was never meant to be domesticated and living such a passive, predictable life out there was like waiting to die.

It’s not like life at the dock is so very different on a day to day basis, but it’s much less stable, much less fixed. The very fact that every time I get on or off the boat I’m reminded that there are only four small lines holding me there, gives me a much greater sense of freedom. Being able to live without a car adds to that. Having one’s life contained in a small part of town (downtown) means that most of the time you are living your life, not travelling to where you want to go; it’s an experience of being much more immediate, much more in the present.

It became very clear to me when my daughter and I went for a drive out to East Sooke Park in Tracy’s BMW convertible. We had the top down, tunes going, zipping along the narrow winding road. Classical good times, right?
Not so much, at least not as much as I would have thought. The car is an absolute dream to drive, but we’ve gone much of the same route on our bikes and that is much more fun. Sitting there watching the scenery go by is just so damned passive. And I cannot get the fuel burnt out of my mind. When you cruise in bikes you are much more aware and alert because your body is physically being challenged and you are going at a much slower pace, a pace that puts you in the environment rather than just observing it.

So living small on a boat downtown is actually living large, from an emotional and even spiritual perspective. Here the house is large and requires very little from you. It functions to entertain and provide for the smallest effort possible. It’s all about pleasure and comfort. There’s even a $1500.00 espresso machine that gives you coffee with a single press of the button – it grinds the coffee and expresses it for you, all automatically.
If simple comfort is your thing, fine. But it’s like the comfort of the convertible versus the experience of riding my bike. For me at least, such comfort is the antithesis of being fully alive. It’s numbing, it’s fattening. A rabbit in a cage may be comfortable but is it really living the life that millions of years of evolution has prepared it for?

I want to go home! I have 3 more weeks of this privileged hell after which I don’t know if Tracy’ll ever get me off it again!
That worries me, frankly. I don’t want to be this way, but it’s who I am. I’ve spent almost ½ a century figuring out who I am, and I’m at last helming my life in the right direction. Tracy is cut from different cloth, and stability and comfort is her thing. Flexibility is my middle name, but when it actually becomes painful and depressing, it’s asking for too much.
I can’t even take off right now as a friend is homeless and is borrowing the boat for a place to stay. Myself and a few friends were supposed to take off the end of next week, but he’s had to bail and so I’m not sure what I will do.

Last year's Tall Ship sail

Thetis Island two summers ago. Gawd those were the days!

The Secret to Success

victoria.liveaboard@gmail.com (Nathaniel) — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 05:13:00 GMT

I watched this TED video the other day – some of the videos are outstanding – and it turned out be quite different from what I expected. And I think he’s got it all wrong, at least as it’s presented. It’s certainly worth a watch as long as you approach it according to what it’s really about, which is achieving goals.

This is the problem with so many of these “thinkers” and their projects. Rarely is it at all questioned how success is defined. Dropping names like Bill Gates as an example reveals the assumption: success is about entrepreneurship, business, economic leadership, wealth, power, and social status. The American capitalist model of success.
To be a Success in this culture (and Canada as well) one must set lofty goals and using this model achieve them. Following these guides you will likely achieve whatever goal you set, but is that really success? What does success mean? For myself it isn’t necessarily any of the above features.

According to the model, precapitalistic and non-western cultures would have a dearth of how this defines successful individuals. Other cultures may not set goal achievement as the primer arbiter of success. Maybe a holy man is a success. Maybe a good hunter, or a good farmer. Maybe someone who is quiet and reliable is a success, or perhaps someone who throws away their lives for others. Or someone who kills many enemies.
I’m not saying I share these values either, but the possibilities are enormous. It seems to me to be a “Success” (as opposed to simply succeeding at something) is just another American ideology.

In our culture, identity tends to be at least partially defined by the labels we give each other. It’s a subtle but powerful force. So when we talk about someone as a success, that means they define success, they are successful rather than having achieved certain things. The they is very significant because the person becomes an icon according to what they have done rather than who they are.

I cannot think of a greater struggle than someone throwing off a crack addiction to become a functioning member of society, and yet we would hardly call them a success. What they have achieved is enormous, but because it doesn’t fit the cultural image of a success, they will not likely be asked to give a TED presentation.

An issue I have with this very limited notion of what it means to be a success is that there is so much that is ignored. While I avoided most of the news coverage of the local Brotherston trial, I did glance at the final summation and it was profoundly disturbing. Here we have an archetypal “successful” man, according to the values that implies. And yet when confronted with a threatening junkie, Brotherston kills him with his bare hands, snapping the man’s neck in 3 places. He then drives the body to the cop shop and brags about it, telling them that he had “kicked the shit” out of the guy.
I’ve never met Brotherston and I’ve never had my life threatened, but I also don’t believe that I could ever kill a man with my bare hands like that, brutally beating and choking him until he is dead. The details were horrible to read.
The man has wealth and power, both economic and political, and yet I believe that these actions show a very angry, brutal man, used to using his large physical size to dominate or destroy others. Perhaps that says something about why both his kids are junkies, I don’t know.
Now that he is found innocent of 1st degree murder – mostly because Successful men’s words are more valued than that of junkies – he can resume his Successful life. And yet I hope I never, ever meet this man.
I’m not saying all Successful men are killers; what I am saying is goal-defined and driven success may have very little to do with who a man is. I suppose it’s easier to pass judgment on the size of a person’s house or value of their car or the letters after their name.

So what do I think makes a successful individual? I guess I would start with self-awareness. Humility. Courage. Compassion. Selflessness. Gentleness and humour. A person who embodies light and love, and helps relieve human suffering.
I think this kind of person is much, much rarer than any corporate executive and far less likely to be acknowledged. It’s hard to see how this TED video can help people achieve this, and yet the world would be such a better place if we pursued it with same zeal we do becoming Successful.

Come sail with us. www.selfdiscoverysail.com

Living the Life? Maybe.

victoria.liveaboard@gmail.com (Nathaniel) — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 18:41:00 GMT

I found it very interesting when I went to see my mom's financial advisor the other day. He was a very nice chap, who shared a passion of history with me. He was obviously dressed to the nines and working for the royal bank was very much a man of the establishment. what interested me the most in our talks was his repeated assurance that I was living the dream.

The funny thing is, this is a man who helps others (and I'm sure makes a good bit of coin at it) move money around to make their dreams. His is an industry that assumes money=happiness and dream fulfillment. I told him I was a writer, lived aboard a sailboat, and that we frequently bob around living here and there in the summer.
The yearning in his voice was unmistakable, and yet part of me doesn't get it. If my life is such a shining example, why not do it? after all, it's a lot easier than working 9-5 for a living and holding down all those debts and payments. I suppose the answer lies in my arguments in my Loser's Guide: the mainstream is known, it's easier to do what others are doing, mainstream life traps you in debt and obligations, and it's hard to stop and jump aboard a new ship mid stream. You also lose the security that comes with all those trappings.

Some days I feel the privilege more than others; this is just my life and it's what I do. There are good days and bad, sometimes I make my goals and at other times I don't. Recently I've been bouncing between the two. As I'm writing this I'm looking over Haro Strait through a picture window. I could stop and go for a sauna or hot tub, or watch a movie in the theatre room. There's a red BMW convertible out in the driveway. I have no plans for the day and might spend it writing. I might decide to take off next week and go for a week long sail unless some work comes up. None of this costs me a cent. I suspect most people would think that was pretty sweet.

But the problem with this kind of thing is that after a time it stops being amazing, which is why it's such a very poor direction to your life. The view is lovely, but so is the one from the deck of my boat. the hot tub hardly gets used, there are only so many movies to watch, and the sauna is best just before bed. Yet it takes a whole professional life (probably two) to accumulate all this.Others no doubt think it's worth while. Personally, I don't.

And as for the BMW? I suppose I should come clean on that, although I feel a little embarrassed. It's Tracy's. A 1997 318i convertible. It was a gift from my mom, who is old school and cannot conceive of being without a car, and wanted to get me one. We didn't really need a car, but since she was offering I bought one that was sheer fun, sheer indulgence. I've almost always owned practical vehicles, so this seemed like a real lark. It is the most fun on four wheels I've ever had and with this mild weather we have been driving around a lot with the top down. I couldn't imagine owning it, which is why it's Tracy's and is in her name. Besides, it's not very often "I" can buy nice things for her and this seemed like a chance.

I haven't got a pic of Tracy's car, but this is the model and colour:

I think having it doesn't make me a hypocrite; what it does mean is that my mom is very generous and sweet and we are very fortunate and privileged. It also means that it doesn't take slavish adherence to a mainstream lifestyle to have material riches.

So things are very good but I'm still restless. Work is slow right now so maybe I'll go sailing again? Perhaps start writing again, as I've got a lot of unfinished projects.

Olympics, and why I don't like them.

victoria.liveaboard@gmail.com (Nathaniel) — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 00:00:00 GMT

This guy hits the nail right on the head:

The best place on earth

So I spent a number of hours today installing the 12 V electric fuel pump. I'm not as happy as I might be because the fuel lines are a real rat's nest with two filters going into one line and a take-off for the vacuum gauge, but not much I can do about it.
The pump is a little noisy, not that you can hear it over the diesel.

It comes with an inline filter, which obviously isn't needed but it's also the inlet fitting. I installed it on the starboard bulkhead and when I tried to replace the companionway steps, I discovered it was in the way and had to move it back another couple of inches.

As this boat doesn't use a keyed ignition, I installed a toggle switch for the fuel pump at the helm. Another way of shutting off the engine in case of emergencies.

All the crap required for even a simple job like wiring an eletric pump. I also had to empty everything out of the lazarette and take apart the quarter berth.

And look what I found in the aft bilge when I was working under the helm: I wondered where it had gotten to...

Tracy helping me replace the genoa with the storm jib. I'm looking for a another genoa with a luff of about 46 feet, a foot of about 21 feet, and with luff tape instead of hanks. There are a lot of used hank-on genoas out there but it costs about 500 clams to convert, which probably isn't worth it for a used sail.

I was gonna do a lot of philosophical musings today, but I'm bushed or discouraged or something. Try again tomorrow.

The Beast is Conquered - The Westerbeke 30 demon has been excorcised

victoria.liveaboard@gmail.com (Nathaniel) — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 18:35:00 GMT

After one of the greatest, most epic struggles of man against machine, I have at last tamed the beast. For now. Glory of all glories, it was indeed a leak in the fuel system that has been plaguing me all this time. Right now the engine starts and runs far better than the VW diesel we borrowed last month. I might even go as far as say it sounds like a new engine and starts as fast as any fuel injected car engine. Not bad at all for a 30-year-old marinised tractor diesel!
I still have to actually find the source of that said leak, and I’m going to install the electric fuel pump I have kicking around as an emergency spare, and see how that goes. Before the pump there are a couple of switchable Racor fuel filters, a priming bulb, and the line from the tank.
I can’t see it as anything other than fittings or the fuel pump itself, since air bubbles appeared in the line between the pump and the primary filter, and there doesn’t seem any way that air bubbles could sink down to the pump, pass through the pump, and rise up to the primary filter while the engine is just sitting.

I also swapped over the genoa for my storm jib, and so I once again have my sailboat back! Having the genoa on the deck allowed me to get a better look at it, and man, that sail is tired! The sad part is that it is not sailing or even UV that has worn it so badly, but the roller furling. You just can’t roll up a sail of that size on the headstay without wrinkles, and with this heavy cloth, it tends to wrinkle on the same spot each time. Consequently, the sail has a multitude of worn creases in the material, any of which could tear out.

The main is the same age and it doesn’t have any of those creases and is good for many more years.
Of course it makes furling easier and it would be a nightmare fighting with a genoa of that weight in a blow, but I’m wondering if it isn’t time to go back to hanks: simple, foolproof, and they don’t destroy your sail. I don’t think I’ve ever been caught out in an totally unanticipated blow where I was very grateful to be able to furl the genoa without going on deck. Our last keelboat had hanks, and although it was obviously more work, we never worried about damage to our headsails.

There are a lot of reasons to be dismayed about the upcoming games, but this one hits closer to home than most. I enquired about transient moorage rates at government marinas in Vancouver (city owned and operated) during the month of February. When I received the email from them my jaw dropped. The city of Vancouver is charging transient boaters $2.25/ft/day + taxes and power during the games. Apparently they have also shut down anchoring privileges in False Creek, citing “security” concerns. That’s almost $150.00/day for a 36 ft boat, almost triple high season rates during the summer. It's not just homeowners hoping to scam obscene money off visitors this February.

I don’t have much problem with private citizens trying to earn a fast buck at the olympics, but the city? Watch me get threatened with a lawsuit from the goons at vanoc for this post.

Now that things are back to normal, I’m not sure what to do next. I’m getting itchy feet again. It’s not enough to just sit around and enjoy a superb lifestyle, while on the boat or in the fabulous dream house on the ocean. I should be writing but I find all this moving around is very counter-productive. Paradoxically, I need stability to be able to sink into writing; when we are moving all over the place, my focus is external rather than internal, and I simply cannot switch back and forth very easily. That’s why I can never write (aside from blogging) when I’m cruising. I have a novel that I need to get back to, but bouncing back and forth from house and boat just keeps things so stirred up that working on it is impossible. Next year if Tracy wants to spend three months off the boat, it’s gonna be at one place.
I suspect this is the biggest reason why many people occupy themselves in traditional careers: you aren't stuck with the daily responsibility of making your life count, making it worthwhile. When most people wake up in the morning they know what they have to do, good or bad. Throw all that away and the huge responsibility for your life really hits home.

It's funny staying in this house with all this opulence. There are times when it makes me question my own life's choices. I suppose that's not a bad thing -better to constantly question yourself than to make a choice and just plow ahead regardless. Of course it's the latter that allows one to accumulate this kind of privilege but I wonder how that feels in the wee hours of the night? Material wealth means very little in terms of emotional and spiritual fulfillment.
But it is astounding when you see the sheer amount that is possible when someone bulls ahead in ways that society rewards (and while this is tremendously abundant it is nowhere near the upper limit) and it does make me wonder if i have sold myself short.

But here's the catch: I did a personality test a number of years back and the strongest value that I have is the need for freedom. And to me that is absolute; it means that I have to be free to chose A or B every single moment of my day. If I want to go, I go. If I want to go elsewhere, I go elsewhere. Anything that gets in the way of that grates like dragging a screaming baby down a chalkboard. The only exception to that is my marriage, which i consider that something of a miracle. It has taken an enormous effort on my part to stick with it for all these years and not wander off, so forget about a career!

To be faithful to myself has required me to dabble in a great many things but not commit to any of them, and that has had a great economic consequence. The only compensation to that is knowing that I will in the end be much happier economically marginalised and faithful to my nature than be materially rich and living a dishonest life.

There isn't a day that goes by when I don't feel awe at the tremendous privilege that is my life.

I attended the rally against prorogation on Saturday, and it really did my heart good to see all those people out demanding democracy. The greatest part was that it was non-partisan; people were simply demanding democratic accountability and that their House be operating when it is supposed to be. For a nation of supposed passivists, across Canada there were a lot of people concerned about a very abstract ideal. I doubt very much that the Conservatives will try that tactic again in the near future.

Come sail with us. www.selfdiscoverysail.com

Bringing Satan to Heel Part Duex

victoria.liveaboard@gmail.com (Nathaniel) — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 00:19:00 GMT

I returned to the boat today determined to find the problem with my engine. As an aside, I had the first good sleep since before Xmas last night, such is the healing power of sailing. I saw a couple of sailboats mooching upwind on Haro Strait this morning and felt a little jealous, but I have a job to do.

First thing is to check compression. Bad compression will make a diesel hard to light, but once it starts, heat will often expand parts and increase cylinder compression, allowing the engine to run well. Unlike a gas engine, on a diesel you have to measure compression through a glow plug port or the injector port. I bought a cheap diesel compression gauge off ebay because I knew that the odds of ever using it again were slim, and good ones can cost over $200.00. Besides, total compression is less important than variability between cylinders, so even if it's 10 or 15% inaccurate, it's good enough.

First thing to do is pull the 4 glow plugs.

Once the glow plugs are out, you have to screw in the correct sized fitting into the port. This cheap gauge had a whole set of adapters.

The gauge snaps onto the adapter. You have to make sure it fits tightly as the pressures are enormous.

You then turn over the engine until the gauge maxes out. Note - remember to pull out the engine stop lever or the engine will blow diesel fumes out the open glow plug ports! Don't ask how I know this...

I did this for each cylinder. Below was a typical reading. I found 450 - 400 - 430 - 450 PSI. It occurs to me looking at this, I probably should have worn safety goggles; with those kinds of pressures inside the thing and it's dubious Chinese provenance, there might have been a risk of it blowing up in my hand!
The reading certainly shows why you can't use a gas engine compression tester!

At any rate, this is very good news. The rule of thumb is that no one cylinder can be off by more than 25%, and these pressure are very healthy. So the engine is in good shape. If you wanted to be a perfectionist, the next step would be a leak-down test, but I don't think it's required.

My research tells me that if it's not compression then air in the fuel system must be culprit. This can enter through the lift pump, bad seals in the fuel filters, or loose connections somewhere. One way to check for this is to put a piece of clear tubing in the fuel line where it enters the primary filter and watch for air bubbles to pass through.

Checking for air bubbles.

Well, the results are inconclusive, but I think I'm getting very close to something. There were a few large bubbles that drifted through, but I'm not certain if they got into the system when I cracked the line to insert the clear tube. Certainly once the engine was running there were no bubbles.
But it occurs to me - once I installed the clear tubing, I bled the system of air by loosening the central mounting nut from the primary filter and manually pumping fuel through it. What's unusual is that the engine lit instantly, so there's a chance that by doing the bleeding I removed air from the system that normally makes starting so difficult. Maybe those few bubbles that appeared in the beginning is what makes starting so hard. If that's the case, when the engine sits overnight air is getting into the lines. That's a different problem then something like a leaking lift pump as that would show up all the time, even when running. This problem seems to occur when it sits rather than when it runs.
This is a relief. I've been banging my head against this problem for 6 months. But when it started today, it did so better than it ever has, and ran better as well. I'm so close!
My next step is to come back to the boat tomorrow, bleed the filter again, and see if it lights up just as easy. If so, I know the problem and just have to track down the source of the air intrusion.